


They took everything from me (They stole the ground beneath my feet)

by bckwrds101



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Toni is so caring, but it’s really depressing, idk how to tag tho, just know it’s sad, not even the happy ending is that happy of an ending idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 07:32:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15747159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bckwrds101/pseuds/bckwrds101
Summary: People live of good and bad days. Cheryl’s not been living that many good days ever since her brother’s death.Sometimes it hurts so much that Cheryl allows herself to shed only a couple of tears while looking at the ceiling of her princess-like bedroom in Thistlehouse, afraid to open the floodgates of her soul.(she looks at Toni, and it gives her strength)





	They took everything from me (They stole the ground beneath my feet)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m back with another Choni fanfic. Although this one is extremely Cheryl centric (there are mentions of Toni everywhere tho).
> 
> The Archieve warnings don’t apply, so I just want you to know it’s just a sad piece of work with implied mentions of suicide and a lot of hurt and sadness.
> 
> Anyways, I don’t really know why I’m posting this because I didn’t even plan to write it, but here it is. 
> 
> I won’t say I hope you like it because it’s a bit sad (so I don’t think anyone will).

There are days when Cheryl doesn’t even want to get out of bed. To go through another day without the presence of her beloved brother.  
Sometimes it hurts so much that she allows herself to shed only a couple of tears while looking at the ceiling of her princess-like bedroom in Thistlehouse, afraid to open the floodgates of her soul, represented by her eyes.  
Sometimes she thins she’ll never be able to stop once she starts crying. She wonders if she’ll become dehydrated, if her body will lose all its water, if that’s how she’ll go. But it’s not possible, she knows that (although she wishes it were).

On days like those, she forces herself to look at the sleeping figure of her loving and supportive girlfriend by her side on the bed and stands up to get ready for another dreadful day. 

Toni always gets up late, Cheryl knows that by now. So by the time the girl’s awake, Cheryl is already dressed, applying makeup, a layer of mascara and uncountable layers of walls around herself (that slowly crumbles in the presence of her girlfriend).

The serpent is surprisingly unaware of her girlfriend’s morning struggles (when they happen), although she’s definitely well aware of the girl’s night ones. However, when she sees the girl with all that makeup and that fake smile so early in the morning, she makes sure Cheryl knows none of that is needed near her, and even though the redhead knows it’s impossible for Toni to know something is wrong, she feels a bit better nonetheless.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

Cheryl thinks about her parents more than she wants to admit. Thinks about how things would have been if Jason had complied and obeyed their father, taking the maple syrup business, along with ‘the other one’.

(Cheryl knows Jason would have never done such thing, but she can’t stop wondering, cause if he had, he’d still be alive and she wouldn’t be feeling this emptiness where her heart should be.)

She also thinks about her mother, and how easier and better things would have been if she were exactly who Penelope wanted her to be, if she weren’t born this loveless, unnatural, deviant monster.

(But when she looks at her girlfriend, smiling by her side - she’s always by her side -, she’s struck with such a strong guilt that she can’t help but sob into her girlfriend’s leather jackets for long minutes, some days hours, while the girl gently caresses her hair. Because she can’t imagine living a life not loving Toni but she also dares to imagine a life where her mother loves her, cares for her, and she knows there was no way that could happen with Toni in the picture.)

Cheryl knows she’s selfish, or something along those lines. 

Because she thinks about Jason being unhappy doing whatever he has to do to keep the business going, just to imagine him alive, making her happy. 

And she also thinks about her life, lived alongside Reggie, or Moose, or Chuck, or even Nick, just to be under the loving and approving looks of her mother, but she fails to think about how Toni would be living hers. Cause it hurts enough to think about a life without Toni, but it hurts even more to acknowledge he fact that Toni would be definitely living a better life without her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

So she knows she’s selfish, but when she does try to change, it does more damage than good.

Like when she broke up with Toni - to let the girl live her life withouth Cheryl constantly dragging her down with drama, sadness and oh so much tears -, only to be called to the hospital by Fangs that same night. Because angry Toni picked up a fight with some Ghoulies and things escalated - and one of them had a knife but she didn’t -. So Cheryl became selfish again and laid with her on the hospital bed, promising to never let her go, although she knew it’d be better for Toni if she did.

Sweet Pea didn’t talk to her for weeks. And she didn’t push. She knew he was right. It was her fault. 

According to him, she fails to understand that she’s just as good for Toni as Toni is for her. 

But it’s not true. Because Toni is loving, and caring, and giving, and makes her smile so easily, even in her darkest days. And what does Cheryl do? She does nothing but bring trouble to Toni’s life.

(‘She’s in a gang’ Fangs argue when he hears her thinking that a little bit louder than she meant)

Cheryl is undeserving. Her mother used to say that. Undeserving of love, of happiness, of friendships, or any other good in this world.

So when Toni is still in the hospital, recovering from the fight, she goes to the frozen river. That’s where she belongs, she’d decided long ago. But something stops her from going further.

Toni’s image, laying on a hospital bed, paler than Cheryl’s ever seen.

Then Toni’s smile when she accepted to sit with her during Love, Simon.

And all the adoring looks Toni reserved just for her. 

And her comforting touches when Cheryl poured her heart out to her - more than once.

‘You’re sensational’ 

So she sits on the shore and just cries. Because she’s loveless, and selfish, and undeserving, but she has some things at the moment and she finds it hard to let them go. 

Fangs finds her at 3AM, curled up and trembling, and while he wraps his jacket around her and guide her back to Sweet Pea’s truck, she allows herself to wonder for a moment if she has more than she thinks she does. And if she deserves more than she thinks she does. 

(Something in her mind tells her she doesn’t. Her mother’s voice.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

Painting helps a lot. Drawing helps a lot. Talking to Toni helps a lot.

But sleeping helps so much better. 

Sometimes she just wants to sleep forever. Like Jason. Like her father. 

But she thinks about Toni and let the thoughts go. 

Toni has been showing her so much lately, mostly when they have some free time after school and Vixens practices (Toni’s, because Cheryl had stopped attending them a few weeks before).

The pictures she took when all she had was an old Polaroid camera; the first trailer she lived in the Southside; the favorite drinks she likes to prepare at the Whyte Wyrm - she still bartends there sometimes; hers and her friends’ favorite place on earth, where they had all the best experiences and adventures together; all the good - and sometimes bad - things in her life as a Southsider. 

There’s one thing she never fails to show Cheryl, no matter how busy and packed their schedules are. Love. 

Toni is able to give her the love she’s never had, never thought she would, and still thinks she doesn’t deserve. 

And Cheryl is showered with so much love, and attention and affection, that she can’t help but give it back so intensely, she feels she’ll someday suffocate Toni and scare her away. 

But Toni leans in for it just like Cheryl, like she needs it just as much. So maybe she won’t be scared away so easily. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

She can’t help but break stuff. Anything. She see’s it, she’s angry, she breaks it.

(She broke a pool pole on Sweet Pea’s back once at the Whyte Wyrm. She found it hard to apologize, so, thinking back, she doesn’t think she ever did.

But Sweet Pea understands, he understands anger, grieve and violence like no other. Like Cheryl.

‘You and I are not that different, Red’ He said after the incident, and bought her a cherry cola.)

Nana Rose made a point to ask her caregiver to only buy plastic cups, forks, plates, and knives, although it doesn’t match Thistlehouse’s - or a Blossom’s, for any of that matter - aesthetics. Because she’s old and half blind, but she hears everything.

And Cheryl is loud when she’s angry - now that her mother’s gone - she cries, screams, punches and stomps. So if Thistlehouse’s aesthetics had to be compromised for Cheryl to stop breaking everything on top of all the noise, then be it. 

All that anger doesn’t faze Toni, though. She’d shared a trailer with Sweet Pea, for dear’s sake. But it hurts her. Cheryl knows it does and that makes even angrier. 

So she screams more, and breaks everything, and yells at Toni to leave her alone. Because she’d rather be alone than dealing with the guilty look her girlfriend gives her every time she explodes. 

(The serpent never leaves her side.)

Toni feels guilty for not being able to help. And Cheryl feels angry because the only guilty one was coward enough not to face his punishment, leading him to end his life before Cheryl herself could break him. 

Every cup has Clifford Blossom’s face. And every plate has Penelope Blossom’s face. And everything else has Jason’s face. 

He left her alone. He was supposed to come back. He didn’t.

And that makes Cheryl even angrier.

. . . . . . . . . . . . 

 

Some mornings Cheryl thinks it will all get better. She feels hope, love and happiness.

Waking up by her girlfriend’s side is one of her top five favorite things to do, so even in her worst days, she knows, in the back of her mind, she’s still lucky.

When Toni sees Cheryl in bed, waking up just as late as her, she gives her a knowing smile. 

(Knowing it’s one of the good days. No denial, Cheryl’s has been having a lot more of those after Toni appeared in her life.) 

She has an amazing girlfriend and she was able to make friends with the serpents that go to school with her, and some at the Whyte Wyrm (what can she do? Her archery skills make her great in throwing darts). Maybe she has a supportive system, maybe they want something from her, she doesn’t know, she can only hope it’s the first option.

She sits at lunch and looks at Toni by her side - always by her side -, teasing Fangs about Kevin, playing silly games with Sweet Pea and she feels warm, belonging, so Cheryl allows herself to smile and interact just as much as Toni is. Because it’s one of the good days, and the emptiness in her heart is only in the back of her mind when she looks at her girlfriend and her friends.

On those days she feels deserving of everything good she knows she has. Of all the love and care, all the friends and smiles, all that she never dreamt of. 

(That she was never allowed to dream of)

Cheryl knows the bad days will come, knows her mother’s voice still dictates a lot of her thoughts and knows she’ll be angry, she’ll scream and cry. She knows Jason is not there and never will be again. 

Then she sees flashes of pink and brown hair and leather jackets everywhere surrounding her. So she knows the bad days will come, but she also knows she’s not entirely alone, and that Toni is her strength.

Some people might have taken everything from her, but Toni is always there to keep her grounded. To remind her of the most undeniable truth.

She is loved. And she loves.


End file.
